Yesterday was the third anniversary of someone leaving this world way too soon. Someone I loved and still love immensely.
For the past three years, his family and myself have gathered on the day, not so much to commemorate the tragic occasion but rather to find comfort in each other's presence.
I am always amazed by how much of an emotional roller coaster the build-up to the anniversary generally is, and this year was no exception. I set off for the weekend away with a knot in my stomach and tears repeatedly brimming in my eyes.
Strangely, though, and despite the sadness, the longing and the dull pain, the weekend has been rather enjoyable.
I went for a lovely morning walk/run in the countryside, which had a tremendous calming effect on me.
Cheeky Zoe put a smile on my face...
I bought new yarn, which I totally didn't need, but my mental state required a little bit of retail therapy. As a result I brought back home five balls of Stylecraft Special DK, all new shades for my Blanket, and two balls of variegated Wendy Roam Fusion 4 ply (sock yarn) in Cairn shade. Lately, I have developed a bit of an obsession with shawls, stoles and scarves, and I absolutely adored this one, which is made of sock yarn. I didn't need any further excuse to buy some. Hopefully, I'll get to make something stunning out of this one.
Emotions took centre place again when we went to see the tree we planted in memory of S on what would have been his 33rd birthday nearly 3 years ago. The tree is called October Glory and turns a vivid red in autumn, usually - and very suitably - around S's birthday.
His mum had laid some beautiful gerberas by it, and I was quite literally blown away by the vibrancy of their colours. Aren't they simply breath-taking?
This morning was on the lighter side, as I went to picturesque Berkhamsted to meet up with friends for brunch. Whilst waiting for them, I enjoyed the scenic view...
...and after we all had brunch, I treated myself with a slightly naughty chocolate milkshake.
Coming home later in the afternoon, I did some therapeutic yarn winding.
And that was it. So I "survived" yet another anniversary. The build-ups are harsh, but every year I have this feeling that I get just a little bit stronger with each sad reminder of what I have lost. And, I suppose, with every sad reminder, there are dozens of happy ones.
You are very much missed, S.